Not getting any easier

Today has been the hardest day since Monday after the break up. I knew my good mood/attitude wouldn't last. I have been a mess all night. The weirdest part is I don't know what part I am upset about right now. If it's because I miss him, if it's because I am alone, if it's because a group of my friends saw him last night and he was really sad or all of the above. I just know that I'm sad and that he's even sadder. I have been handling the situation the only way I know how, by eating. I never realized how much of an emotional eater I am. I was at a friend's bday thing today and saw a few of his friends and I didn't even realized it bothered me, until I had polished off a huge bag of chips, brownies, cheese, bread.. basically anything I could get my hands on. Which then just makes me more upset. It has become a vicious cycle that is about to stop. I need to stop hyperventilating when I think about him or about the fact that I am alone now. I need to remember that this is what I wanted. And if I ever change my mind or realize that we really are meant to be together then I can be with him. I also need to stop gorging on anything and everything at the first sign of freak out. The cleanse that I am beginning tomorrow I think is really going to help me be more aware of what I am eating and why. I am also taking the day off work tomorrow to have a me day. I am going to work out, read, shop and just relax. Much needed!